Caption: Grace Msalame’s monster curves. Is she a psychopath? Would I expend my meagre resources to pursue her? Read this article.
You probably may not know it, but the psycho-sexual industry was liberalised a long time ago, and mentally messed-up individuals prowl the streets, looking and acting all normal. Ofcourse we may have a few Team Mafisi members who sleep with girls for sport and fame, but psychopaths leave a lifetime of scars and emotional abuse, making them as dangerous as serial killers.
Dr. Chris Hart, renowned marriage counsellor and prominent Sunday Nation columnist (not the Mutahi Ngunyi/Peter Kagwanja conmen-type) describes psychopaths as individuals who have no regard for the rights of others, and are deceitful, impulsive, reckless, irresponsible, unscrupulous and manipulative. They feel no guilt, remorse or regret.
He goes on to add that psychopaths are usually highly promiscuous and into thrills and novelty. Acting out the slightest urge. Experimenting with homosexual relationships, using prostitutes, abusing children and enticing friends’ spouses to stray.
From the back of your head, I’m sure you know somebody or have dated a psychopath. Remember that these individuals play your personality to you. They say all the right things, and prey on all your fantasies. It’s sometimes too good to be true. Remember that psychopaths are only 1% of the general population and can be easily outted, exposed, embarassed and shunned by society. Don’t suffer in silence if you meet a psychopath. Tell your friends because these are dangerous people who can wreck old friendships or solid ties.
You’d also be surprised to know that politicians and leading heads of corporate companies are psychopaths. Someone like Uhuru for instance, says one thing and then does the complete opposite. Or Ruto of the “Tumetenga” fame, a unapologetic pathological-liar. He can‘t help himself. Reason why young hoe’s love him, because hoe’s love lies.
Here are the universally known traits of a psychopath as borrowed from renowned psychiatrist Jackson Mackenzie.
1. They reel you in with idealization, love-bombing, and flattery.
When you first meet a psychopath, things move extremely fast. They tell you how much they have in common with you — how perfect you are for them. Like a chameleon, they mirror your hopes, dreams, and insecurities to form an immediate bond of trust and excitement. They constantly initiate communication and seem to be fascinated with you on every level. If you have a Facebook page, they might plaster it with songs, compliments, poems, and inside jokes.
2. They prey on your emotions with pity plays and sympathy stories.
You’ll quickly find a soft spot in your heart for them. They often seem cute and innocent at first (forget your television idea of the arrogant narcissist). They’ll probably mention their abusive ex who’s still in love with them. They say that all they’ve ever wanted is some peace and quiet. They hate drama — and yet, you’ll soon come to notice there’s more drama surrounding them than anyone you’ve ever known.
3. They involve you in their own versions of “love triangles.”
Once you’re hooked, the triangulation sets in. They surround themselves with former lovers, potential mates, and anyone else who provides them with added attention. This includes people that the psychopath may have previously denounced and declared you superior to. This makes you feel confused and creates the perception that the psychopath is in high demand at all times.
4. They constantly rewrite reality and exhibit other crazy-making behavior.
They blatantly deny their own manipulative behavior and ignore evidence when confronted with it. They become dismissive and critical if you attempt to disprove their fabrications with facts. Instead of them actually addressing their inappropriate behavior, somehow it always becomes your fault for being “sensitive” and “crazy.” Toxic people condition you to believe that the problem isn’t the abuse itself, but instead your reactions to their abuse.
5. They accuse you of feeling emotions that they are intentionally provoking.
They call you jealous after blatantly flirting with an ex — often done over social networking for the entire world to see. They call you needy after intentionally ignoring you for days on end. They use your manufactured reactions to garner sympathy from other targets, trying to prove how “hysterical” you’ve become. You probably once considered yourself to be an exceptionally easygoing person, but an encounter with a psychopath will (temporarily) turn that notion upside down.
6. You’ve noticed them pathologically lying and making excuses.
There is always an excuse for everything, even things that don’t require excusing. They make up lies faster than you can question them. They constantly blame others — it is never their fault. They spend more time rationalizing their behavior than improving it. Even when caught in a lie, they express no remorse or embarrassment. Oftentimes, it almost seems as if they wanted you to catch them.
7. They provoke jealousy and rivalries while maintaining their cover of innocence.
They once directed all of their attention to you, which makes it especially confusing when they begin to withdraw and focus on other people. They do things that constantly make you doubt your place in their heart. If they’re active on social media, they’ll bait previously denounced exes with old songs, photos, and inside jokes. They attend to the “competition’s” activity and ignore yours.
8. They withhold attention and undermine your self-esteem.
After once showering you with nonstop attention and admiration, they suddenly seem completely bored by you. They treat you with silence and become very annoyed that you’re interested in continuing the passionate relationship that they created. You begin to feel like a chore to them.
9. They exhibit selfishness and a crippling thirst for attention.
They drain the energy from you and consume your entire life. Their demand for adoration is insatiable. You thought you were the only one who could make them happy, but now you feel that anyone with a beating pulse could fit the role. However, the truth is: no one can fill the void of a psychopath’s soul.
10. You don’t recognize your own feelings.
Your natural love and compassion has transformed into overwhelming panic and anxiety. You apologize and cry more than you ever have in your life. You barely sleep, and you wake up every morning feeling anxious and unhinged. You have no idea what happened to your old relaxed, fun, easygoing self. After a run-in with a psychopath, you will feel insane, exhausted, drained, shocked, and empty. You tear apart your entire life — spending money, ending friendships, and searching for some sort of reason behind it all.
These relationships leave long-lasting damage, with feelings and doubts that you’ll never be good enough. Encounters with psychopaths are like drowning in a black hole, because no matter how much they hurt you, it’ll still be your fault. They ignore your best qualities and provoke your insecurities until your entire personality becomes unrecognizable.
Fortunately, there is always hope for healing.The first step is going “No Contact” (that includes texts, emails, and even Facebook peeking). It’ll feel impossible at first, but easier with time. You’ll slowly find your sanity returns and the chaos dissipates. Eventually, this experience will become an incredible opportunity to discover self-respect and make healthy boundaries that will serve you for the rest of your life.
Remember that these unpleasant encounters with psychopaths comes from your greed or aspiration to be seen or to impress your peers by being seen with a certain type of lover. There are many beautiful women or genuine men within your reach but your innate desire to “elevate” based on societal clichés will ultimately lead you to this hot mess.
For instance, I Cyprian Nyakundi think Grace Msalame is super-fly. I could expend my meagre resources in pursuing her, buying her gifts or fancy dates at boutique restaurants where light bounces off walls. I’d only do so under the illusion that I’m the only Kenyan man with eyes to spot the monster curves that she so graciously parades on social-media. Mistake Number One!
The question anyone should ask themselves is why is such a person single, with all the individuals in this Nairobi?
One the flipside, there might be a normal girl, not so flashy, spends less time on social-media and considers shopping to be a waste of time. We intentionally ignore the legitimate women, and instead chase vanity. In that “detour” of sorts, is where psychopath’s live and thrive.
Stick to your lane, conserve all the energy and resources that you have in your youth, and avoid psychopath’s. You won’t get this message in the mainstream media because most of them are psychopaths. Failed marriages, single-parents, over 40’s still single, Maina Kageni, etc.