Co parenting is the practice of sharing the responsibilities and decisions of raising children after a divorce or separation.
It can be challenging, but it can also be rewarding for both parents and children.
PHOTO Courtesy | CRS For Life
In this blog, we will share some tips, rules, examples, and a list of boundaries that can help you co parent successfully.
Tips
- Focus on your children’s needs. The most important thing is to put your children’s well-being first. Avoid letting your personal feelings, resentments, or disagreements interfere with your parenting.
- Communicate respectfully and constructively. Communication is key. You need to communicate regularly and clearly with your partner about your children’s schedules, activities, health, education, and other issues. Use a polite and respectful tone, and avoid blaming, criticizing, or arguing. If you have a conflict, try to resolve it calmly and rationally, or seek professional help if needed.
- Be flexible and cooperative. Bi-parental care requires a lot of flexibility and cooperation. You need to be willing to adjust your plans and expectations, and to accommodate your associate’s requests and needs.
- Be consistent and reliable. Bi-parental care also requires a lot of consistency and reliability. You need to follow the co parenting plan and schedule that you agreed on, and to respect your associate’s time and space.
Rules
- Do not badmouth your co parent. One of the most important rules in bi-parental care is to never speak ill of your co parent in front of your children, or to anyone else who might influence your children’s opinions. This can hurt your children’s self-esteem, loyalty, and trust, and create unnecessary conflict and confusion. Instead, you should speak respectfully and positively of your co parent, or refrain from commenting at all.
- Do not use your children as messengers or spies. Another important rule in bi-parental care is to never use your children as a means of communication or information between you and your co parent. This can put your children in a stressful and uncomfortable position, and make them feel guilty, anxious, or conflicted. Instead, you should communicate directly and privately with your co parent, and respect your children’s privacy and boundaries.
- Do not undermine your co parent’s authority or decisions. A third important rule in co parenting is to never undermine your co parent’s authority or decisions regarding your children. This can create inconsistency and confusion for your children, and make them lose respect and trust for both parents. Instead, you should support and reinforce your co parent’s rules and consequences, and consult with them before making any major changes or decisions.
- Do not compete or compare with your co parent. A fourth important rule in co parenting is to never compete or compare with your co parent in terms of your parenting skills, resources, or affection. This can create insecurity and jealousy for your children, and make them feel pressured or divided. Instead, you should appreciate and acknowledge your co parent’s strengths and contributions, and encourage your children to love and respect both parents equally.
Examples
- Example 1: You and your co parent have different parenting styles and preferences. You are more strict and structured, while your partner is more relaxed and flexible. You disagree on how to discipline your children, what to feed them, or what activities to enroll them in.
- How to handle it: You and your partner should respect and accept your differences, and try to find a middle ground that works for both of you and your children.
- Example 2: You and your partner have a new partner or spouse. You are happy for each other, but you are also worried about how your children will react and adjust to the new situation.
- How to handle it: You and your partner should be supportive and respectful of each other’s new relationship, and reassure your children that they are still your priority and that you still love them.
List of boundaries
- Personal boundaries: These are the boundaries that protect your personal space, privacy, and autonomy.
- Parental boundaries: These are the boundaries that define your parental roles, rights, and responsibilities.
- Relational boundaries: These are the boundaries that regulate your relationship with your co parent and your children.
