Tupac said in his song that “You Can’t Make A H@e A Housewife” and no truer words have ever been uttered since the beginning of life, than those ones.
Many men have tried breaking the Guinness Book of World Records by wifing h@e’s, like Moses Kanene, Denis Okari, and the results of their experiments have been catastrophic. Trying to wife a h@e is like trying to tame a lion. You will succeed in the short-term, but eventually it’s animal instinct will prevail.
CAPTION: Moses Kanene thought he would achieve the impossible, but learnt the hard way. It’s nothing personal bro. You were just a victim of a pyramid-scheme.
So here is a collection of attributes that we have observed over the years, which we believe will prepare you incase you find yourself in unfamiliar waters.
- If she is a drama-queen and is always causing beef with other women in the club, or with waiters or with you as a man, my brother, that’s a Type 1 h@e. If she slaps you publicly or pour a drink on someone, that’s a sure sign. At first it may look exciting to have that drama in your life, but it soon starts to take a toll on you.
If she raises her voice in a room full of strangers while discussing with her friends or even on the phone, please don’t wait for the registrar of persons to tell you that she’s a h@e.
Normally make-up should complement a woman’s natural beauty but if the make up turns her into a character straight from a horror movie, then that’s a h@e.
If she has multiple off-springs (children) from different Sperm-Donors, and she isn’t married to or settled with the father of her last-born, then that’s definitely a h@e. Actually the musician “Sticky Fingaz” writes in his song “Can you be rich and be ghetto” that if she has 3 kids from 3 different guys, then that’s a h@e.
If she gives you the best sex of your life, then suddenly goes missing, or cancels dates, becomes unavailable, is suddenly “busy” my brother, she is done with you and has gone to look for another mark. Tembea na Yesu.
If she has no girlfriends of her age-group, or childhood friends, or a legit social-circle involving women she grew up or schooled with, and claims that she gets along more with males, huyo ni malaya my friend. Especially if her closest friends are older women. They probably are mentoring her on how to best exploit her vagina for financial-recompense.
If she flirts with your friends, makes suspicious eye-contact with other men in the club, or expresses interest in meeting some top politician to pitch an idea or look for a tender to supply stuff, that’s a high-level prostitute my brother.
If she knows Jubilee politicians Paul Kobia or Mike Sonko, or lawyer Donald Kipkorir, you don’t need to be a rocket-scientist to tell that she’s a h@e.
If she likes being the center of attraction in any setting, if she likes dominating the debate, if she can’t have a functional lifestyle or attend normal events like weddings, baby-showers or birthdays, then that’s a h@e. H@e’s only function properly in bar-settings and taking one to a decent even will leave you embarrassed.
If her Instagram pictures are 80% taken at night, in the clubs or in some car, then my brother, don’t wait for Jesus to come back. Leave at once.
If the only dancing style she knows is leaning on a wall and bending over, malaya huyo!
CAPTION: If this is the only dance-style that she knows, my brother ebu chomoka. That’s a malaya A1.
